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More about The Power of Wanting

Positive thinking can push away the parts that are perceived as negative. But sometimes Focusing can be too passive. Just “being with” a depressed part or a criticizing part without giving it any direction can perpetuate a stagnant state.

Inner leadership
As Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara McGavin teach in Treasure Maps to the Soul, Self-in-Presence can take an active leadership role, providing a strong, stable presence that sets the intention of supporting stuck parts of us in moving forward.

At the same time it’s important to remember that you can only go as fast as your slowest part. You need to take just the right size steps, not trying to make too big a leap or criticizing yourself that you’re not further along. As Ann says, "Slow is the new Fast."

We’ll be looking at where your thought patterns and feeling patterns are going in your life habitually, because some of these things are just habits. So it’s a matter of knowing when it’s a chronic thought/feeling pattern that needs some direction from Self-in-Presence or when it’s a part that needs your empathic company. We will learn to discern that.

Finding the Wanting in “negative” parts
The Key to beginning to tap into the energy and the power that is contained in “negative,” blocking parts, is turning toward those parts with interest, compassion, empathy and patience. As you create a zone of safety for ‘parts’ that are not wanting something ‘bad’ to happen to you (from their point of view) they can reveal how they are really not wanting you to feel something:  ashamed, afraid, sad, humiliated, abandoned, worthless…

And when they’ve been thoroughly heard, they themselves begin to reveal what they are wanting for you to be able to feel: loved, free, joyous, playful, fulfilled, satisfied, alive...

As you sense this wanted feeling, feeling the depth of the desire of what it does want for you, that part now begins to contribute its energy toward what you do want.

Tolerating feeling “good” 
When I was a hypnotherapist and working a lot with clients quitting smoking, the #2 reason people went back to smoking was feeling “too good.” In this course you’ll learn to notice what happens when you start to feel “too good.” You might get sick or get in an argument with your partner or start having fantasies of terrible accidents happening to you or people you love.

As you develop your capacity for Self-in-Presence, your tolerance level for feeling good will increase. You will be able to hold the wanted feeling for longer and longer. The energy within it will release at a deeper and deeper level into your whole being.

Sensing the whole thing
As Self-in-Presence, you can invite the felt sense of the whole Dream. You are more able to ‘felt sense’ the right next step for you: the life-forward direction from your whole being. When you sense the Wanted Feeling from your Whole Self, it’s OK to set an intention about having that.

What this is really all about
And let’s remember that manifesting a particular material goal is not really the point. The main purpose is to be more Present, more fully alive right now, in this moment, open to the unfolding of your life.

How Lucinda developed The Power of Wanting:

I’m Lucinda Hayden and I started out as a hypnotherapist. Classic hypnotherapy is about giving positive suggestions to the subconscious. When I first started out, in the late 80s, I worked with a lot of people quitting smoking. For someone wanting to quit smoking, the suggestion, “You are now free from smoking” often worked. But other times it didn’t. I knew something was missing from what I was doing but I didn’t know what—yet.

In the early 90s I developed a program that helped golfers with the ‘mental game’ called Inner Golf. I had a lot of success with helping golfers lower their handicap and win tournaments. I even worked with the head pro of Pebble Beach and did trainings for the staff at Spyglass. In that program, I incorporated a lot of different things: positive thinking, visualization, mental rehearsal… and there really is a lot of value in those things.

About positive thinking
All the golfers knew by this time that golf was very mental and that they should be thinking positive thoughts. But I knew even at that time that the key was not in the thinking. If the golfer thinks, "I’m going to sink that putt" but what he was feeling was doubt like … “yeah, right”… it didn’t work… so the key was in the feeling. I taught them that you have to think a positive thought, but you also have to really believe that thought and feel it. My golf program did well and helped a lot of people.

The missing piece
But even with all the success that I was having with clients, I knew there was something missing. When I found Inner Relationship Focusing, I discovered the missing piece… the key. I realized what was missing from hypnotherapy and the emphasis on Positive Thinking was that they were over-riding the “parts.” These parts are trying to help us in their own way -- and they really are helping -- if only temporarily.

With smokers, nicotine numbs feelings temporarily, but doesn’t make them go away. When the numbing starts to fade, the need for the nicotine returns. From the point of view of the “part” that doesn’t want to quit smoking, it’s afraid that the person will be overwhelmed by their feelings if there was no way to numb them, so no wonder it wouldn’t want to quit smoking. It doesn’t want to let go of its “medication.”

In Inner Relationship Focusing we are not trying to push past our parts that seem to be blocking us from something. Instead when we learn how to turn toward those parts with curiosity and respect, we discover how they are trying to protect us from feeling bad and how they long for us to live vibrant, fulfilled, lives.

“Most people think of manifesting as just about material stuff... and I have manifested some material things in this course. But for me, this has been about manifesting more peace and joy in my life and living more fully. There's been a shift in the whole quality of my life. I'm not living from the Critical part putting the brakes on and trying to stay safe anymore. This course has given me the tools to keep my life moving forward.”
– Sharon Lincoln

“In just a few short weeks, I have learned more from Lucinda about the power of the human mind, where we put our attention, and how to use directed intention, than I ever imagined possible. Each week, more and more examples emerge of receiving what I want to attract in my life. From a studio space I've been wishing for months, to parking spaces, to transformations in relationships, to opportunities to do business – all because I am learning how to direct my attention in a Focusing way toward attracting what I want.

Lucinda's class is so clear, so well organized, so inviting, and so inclusive, I cannot think of a better way to deliver this vital information about better living through intention. I highly recommend participating in this class to anyone who wants to attract more of the good stuff of life!”
– Barbara J Dickinson, CFT

Lucinda Hayden’s course has opened my eyes to a universe of possibilities. Who knew that I could give myself wholeheartedly to wanting (though not being attached to) specific outcomes? That I could actually manifest my longings—from finding exactly the item that I’d been seeking for years at a thrift store…to finally (after decades of accumulation) taking measurable steps to reduce the physical and energetic clutter that has filled my house, my inbox, my schedule, and has obstructed my experience of my own simple, compassionate, curious presence?”
– Lynd Morris